Tuesday, 15 October 2013

Self Talk

God don't make Junk

Me and my baby sister Bonnie with our father
We all will have a false story that we believe about ourselves.  This is the private beliefs we hold as truisms which colour what we believe we can do.
For me it is a belief that I cannot write.  This truisms is part of the story I tell myself every time I sit down at a keyboard or put pen to paper.  That tape is running right now.  If you are resilient, stubborn and determined enough you learn to override the tape and you move forward in life.  The false story remains part of who you are, you just learn to hide it well.

Today I was part of a conversation about the false stories we create.  One of the women in the conversation disclosed that growing up she was called stupid and ugly and  “God don’t make junk” is what her 8 year old self would proclaim in the face of these jeers.  

I am in the dark suit with Bonnie and Luann
Did this statement humble the bullies, no they would laugh and tease all the more. 

In her proclamation was her self-talk, the knowledge that she was God’s creation and that through this association she had a purpose: she was important.

Where did she learn this?

It would have been through the adults in her life and the words they used around her.  One can assume that more than one adult, a mother, father, grandparent talked to her about her uniqueness.  How being unique is what the world needs.
That she was instructed during times of disobedience that her behaviour was the issue not her as a person.  
That when she was hurtful towards someone that she could make amends and when she broke or spilled something that she could help fix it.
In a world that seems to be moving away from personal relationships.  Where children and adults communicate through Facebook, Twitter, where do we create enough space to have the conversations with our children, "God don't make junk".

My wedding picture
Just imagine for a moment what this would protect our children from:
  •   No body image struggles because I am unique, I am the shape God made me I'm not junk 
  •  No drug use to feel part of the group because I am important, I am unique and have the strength to stand up to peer pressure, I'm not junk
If paying attention to the  words and language we use with our children and in their presence protects them against these two life challenges is it not worth it?

Now if you are reading this and you say I have never told my child or grandchild that they are bad -  I would like to pose another question to you.   

Have you told them that they can:
  • Repair a relationship that their actions have damages 
  • Help fix/clean up something that they have broken or spilled 
  • That they are unique and that being an individual is more important than being like everyone else?
 and have you asked them what they think of themselves?

God don’t make Junk

Grandma Snyder

Grandma Snyder
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