Teach child to talk out arguments

“Stop fighting and go to your rooms!”  

How often have we said this to our children or heard our parents say that to us, too often, more than likely.

What are we teaching them when we referee our children’s disagreements with each other?  Our raised voices ring out like the bell that signals this match is over and like boxing referee we send them to their corners until it is time to fight again, and the operative word is ‘again.’

There is red Adirondack chair set out in pairs in the play yard of our grandchildren’s school and these are called ‘friendship chairs’.  This is where two fighting children are sent, there sitting in close proximity to each other they are expected to resolve their disagreement peacefully. 

And tonight at the library we read the book ‘Hug it out!’ by Louis Thomas.  Here two fighting siblings are directed to hug each other when they fight and as their arguments become less and less they miss the closeness and stage a fight so they can hug.

Both the friendship chairs and the book provide children with an alternative to fighting with each other, they provide the opportunity for children to talk to each other, and children are left without adult supervision with the expectation they will be successful in finding their own resolution.

“Stop fighting, sit down together and talk to each other”

Be mindful of you redirect children are you providing them the opportunity to find a peaceful resolution.

Grandma Snyder

©2013-2018 twosnydergirls 

Empathy vs Sympathy

Empathy requires we engage in a relationship while sympathy asks nothing of us.

Empathy seeks to understand the others experience while sympathy assumes to know their experience. 

With empathy you listen, with sympathy you talk and offer platitude.

Sympathy can take us down a path of knowing what is best for people, it assumes because I might have been through something similar I know what you should do so I offer advice and I expect you to follow it.

Sympathy offers empty words and offers very little understanding it does not create a share experience or new understanding.

Empathy starts with looking for similarities and meet the other at that point.  

It never assumes to know and together walk towards a new understanding.

Empathy is active and requires the ability to set aside our ego, to be present and engaged.  

Empathy honours the journey of the other person, and stay present offering companionship ensuring the other he/she not alone.  

Teaching children to be empathetic starts by being an empathetic parent.

Help children explore how they are feeling, never telling how they feel or to stop feeling.  

Never parenting through fear or by dismissing of your child’s feelings.  

As a parent share how you are feeling in an age appropriate way with your children, naming your emotions for them and how to express these emotions safely.  

With your children notice the world around you, both on the news and in the community where you live, teaching inclusion and membership. 

Teach your children to be curious and open rather then judgmental and opinionated.

Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world

~ Barack Obama 

Grandma Snyder

©2013-2018 twosnydergirls

Remembered through our habits.

 

Monday night is reading night with our youngest granddaughter, this is an excellent habit and how we want to be remembered.

Take some time to remember back to your own Grandparents and aside from single events that would be charged with emotional content, it will be the habits you recall.

A Tupperware cookie container always in the same place, always full with Aunt Marjorie’s homemade chocolate chip cookies when we arrived, or playing the button game with my Grandmother at the dinning room table, these are habits I remember and how I remember them.  I always felt special as I reached into the cookie jar and grown up as I played button with Grandma.

Be mindful of your habits and how the children around you will remember you.  Most importantly how your habits make those same children feel.

Grandma Snyder

©2013-2018 twosnydergirls