Social Referencing & Christmas

 What are Your Emotions Teaching Children about Christmas?

“...children look to their parents to know how to feel and how to respond.” Daniel J. Siegel. p. 18-2

 The Holidays are an emotionally charged time of year for children.

For some it is a wonderful time of the year, full of expectation, love, family and joy.  While for others the season is understood through emotions of fear, sadness, disappointment and loneliness.  

A child's emotional understanding of Christmas is developed by watching their primary care givers at this time of year.  Daniel Siegel describes this as social referencing, children look to their parent's to determine how they should emotionally respond.

This means that as parents our emotional responses will colour how our children experience and remember Christmas. 

If we stress about money, getting the perfect gift, cooking, and visiting family, our children will experience Christmas through emotions tainted with stress and they are at risk of finding  Christmas stressful for the rest of their lives.

When our Christmas preparations are about creating time for positive relationships, when we create a Christmas experience within our budget and enjoy ourselves, this is the foundation upon which our children will build positive Christmas traditions. 

As I talk and share holiday stories Siegel's social referencing holds true.  Many of the individuals who down play Christmas or describe it as stressful found their childhood Christmases to be this way.  They described parents fighting over money, Christmas parties with too much drinking and extended family functions where people fought. 

For people who look forward to Christmas there were stories of making cookies with parents or grandparents, family traditions around decorating the Christmas tree and large family gatherings with laughter, singing and joy.

Money or lack thereof did not factor into whether the experience was a good or bad experience, it was about emotional behaviors of their parents.

Children are held hostage at this time of year.  All around them advertising and social media tells them they should be happy and at home; they may or may not know this to be true.  Pleasure and fun within the context of strong relationship is what happy Christmas memories are made of - not the gifts.

This Christmas how much of your preparation time is about joy within family relationships?

Grandma Snyder

 ©2013-2014  twosnydergirls

 

Quinoa and Winter Vegetable Chili

Winter Vegetable Chili

Working with the vegetables from our Good Food Box we set out to rework a family favourite, chili.

This venture into culinary exploration was initiated in part by my sister.  Carla talked about having great tasting chili where the meat had been substituted with sweet potatoes and quinoa.

We wondered what else could work in a chili and thus our Winter Vegetable Chili was born.

Take:

• 2 large carrots cubed
• 3 large celery stalks cubed
• 2 large onion cubed
• 4 garlic cloves diced
• 3 tablespoons of coconut oil

Heat the oil in the bottom of a large pot and add to this the carrots, onion, garlic and celery.  Sauté until the onions are clear and the vegetables give off a full robust aroma.

While this is sautéing cube the following vegetables:

• 2 medium sweet potatoes
• ½ a medium turnip
• 1 small acorn squash
• 4 tomatoes

Add the cubed vegetables and:

• 1 small can of tomato paste
• 6 cups of vegetable broth
• 1 medium can of black beans drained
• 1 cup of uncooked quinoa
• 2 tablespoons chili powder
• 1 teaspoon oregano
• 1 tablespoon cumin

and add all of this to your cooking pot.

Note: there are many different seasonings used to make chili.  I would encourage you to use those that your family like and in quantities that suit your palette.  I have included what we used

Simmer slowly until the vegetables are soft and the chili is at a consistency that you like.  Paul and I like our chili and soups to be thick.

I hope that you enjoy Winter Vegetable Chili as much as we do.

Grandma Snyder

 ©2013 Twosnydergirls

December 1st World Aids Day

World Aids Day

December 1st was/is World Aids Day and on December 1st I was focused on:

• sudden appearance of Christmas music on the radio
• reflecting on how I would be mindful of God's presence in my life
• worrying about when or if we will put up a Christmas tree
• planning for my mother's move to our community

Basically totally focussed on myself.

So it was in catching up on my twitter account I was spiritually brought up short by Stephen Lewis' November 28th blog post reminding me of the World Aids Day.

In his blog Stephen Lewis contrasted the new “ ‘mantra of zero new infections, zero deaths, zero stigma’ as the target for 2015” with the ongoing lived reality of “35 million people living with the virus” and that only two years out from December 1, 2015 there were 2.5 million new cases of HIV infection.

Many grandparents are raising their grandchildren and caring for dying children because of Aids.  I wonder what their focus was on December 1, 2013:

• Worrying about how long they will be able to hold down work to financially support their extended family?
• Where they will find affordable housing?
• Who will pay for the expensive medications needed to keep their family alive?
• How they will provide an education for their grandchildren?
• Where their next meal will come from?
• Who will look after their grandchildren when they die?

 Stephen Lewis focused the light of Peace and Love on grandparents, parents, & children affected by NIV Aids and asked how we will/are responding to this continued epidemic.

Please take the time today December 3, 2013 to spend a moment,  visit the website,  blog and listen to Ida Mukuka.

 The Stephen Lewis Foundation

SLF Blog

Listen to Ida Mukuka, SLF Field Representative

 

Ask yourself the following question:

If I had to raise my grandchildren and provide palliative care to my child what would I need to get through this Christmas season?

Grandma Snyder